


Infinite Content

by opheliamj



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drabble Collection, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:18:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opheliamj/pseuds/opheliamj
Summary: A collection of drabbles for Buckynat/Staron month. All my drabbles will go here unless they're part of a themed set.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will update with new drabbles as the month continues.

**Getaway Car - buckynat/staron**

         Bucky slid over in the back seat, his knees still at his chest. He knew if he bothered Sam enough he would move up for him, but the way he said ‘no’ when Bucky asked made him realize he had no right to ask Sam to do anything, even something small like moving his seat up. He sighed to himself and watched Steve through the windshield. 

         “Who’s that?” He asked. 

         “Sharon.” was all Sam said. Bucky smiled to himself. Steve was different then he remembered him. Even after the serum and during the war he was still shy Steve. Now he was kissing someone right in front of them. Bucky couldn’t remember ever seeing Steve kiss a girl before. 

         But watching that made him feel a little different. Bucky was silent as they drove away. He could hear Sam tease Steve, but he couldn’t focus. He stared at his hand and looked at his finger nails. Seeing Steve kiss Sharon confused him. It made him feel something in the pit of his chest. He felt the dark spots blacken in his brain. He could tell he had felt the same way about someone before, but his mind wouldn’t let him remember. Seeing Steve felt like a memory to him, it made him feel something so familiar. It was nostalgia for a romance he couldn’t name, a time he couldn’t remember. 

         He blinked a little and his throat felt raw. He hated feeling so helpless in his own head. Sometimes his mind didn’t feel like it was his. He felt so close to one happy memory in his life, but his mind couldn’t grasp it. 

         “Buck?” Steve said from the front seat. “You all right?” He didn’t realize they were talking to him. He didn’t answer, just shrugged, and they continued talking. He just stared out the window as they kept driving, and he tried not to think about anything. 


	2. Drabble 2

**Snow - buckynat**

         The second his eyes drift closed they shoot open again. He feels relief when the train’s whistle blows, waking him. The cold air burns his nose like ice. He feels the train rock hard, but for some reason it’s comforting. It’s nighttime and he can barely see anything but her in his arms, red hair and pale skin. She’s sleeping. The freight car’s door is open, hoping the cold air will keep him awake, though it just barely does. He has to stay awake, so she can get some sleep.

         He wishes he could remember where he is going. Being there, and hearing nothing but the train and seeing nothing but snow for miles. He sighs, touching her hair with his hand. He keeps watch all night but the darkness never clears, and there is a new moon. He knows he’s safe but he still fears they’ll be caught. He can’t fall asleep, he can’t let himself. She’s the one that needs rest.      

         When the train’s whistle blows again he jumps awake, but this time for real. The warmth fills his nose and he sits up in a dark room. He stares at his hand, his fingers, his callouses, his nails, knowing it’s older than the hand in the red hair. He looks around the room he calls his, thinking of the snow, and how the cold will always feel more like home to him than this warm room. The dream was following him, and sometimes he thought he’d never understand it. 

         He didn’t write about it because he’d written all he could. He shoves his notebook back in his pack. He tells himself he won’t think about it, knowing full well it’s all he’ll think about for the rest of the day. 


	3. Chapter 3

**danger - staron**

               It was very late at night, or early in the morning. Steve was sitting on his fire escape. He spent most nights out there, unable to sleep. He could hardly ever sleep anymore. He didn’t like sitting in bed awake all night, so he went out there to think. It was cool out, but all he had on were shorts. His arms had goosebumps but he liked it. It made him feel.

               It was hard for him to shut down and not think about everything, all at once. All the times he was in danger, and all the times Sharon was, he couldn’t shut it off. He could never compose himself. All he could do was threaten that danger, and scream at whatever it was. He remembered times where he told a man he’d kill him, and if he couldn’t he’d find a way. He knew that wasn’t who he was but when Sharon was in danger all he could see was red.

               He had to save her because he knew there were always going to be times he couldn’t. He’d been lost in the void too many times to count. She was always the reason he came back. It wasn’t for her, but because of her. She never gave up, and always found a way to get him back. How did she do that?

               He went out onto the fire escape every night because he couldn’t lie to her. He’d hold her in his arms, and touch her hair all night, but he couldn’t tell her he’d keep her safe. He couldn’t tell her he’d always be there to protect her. He wanted to more than anything but he’d left this earth too many times. He couldn’t lie and say he’d always be there and that was what kept him awake at night. That was what hurt the most. He saw it in her face and watched it pour from her eyes with every return. He could see the weight lift from her shoulders. Each time he returned it was more painful to see. Watching what his absence had done to her. 

               Steve remembered a time when he’d plead with her, beg her to feel and be honest with him. Back then she’d hide herself from him. He wondered if she was right. If he was being selfish keeping her so close to him. Maybe she knew what she was doing when she’d reject him. Now she’s his and they’ve been together so long. Sometimes he thinks he can’t live without her. But is he hurting her by keeping her so close?

               And he can’t sleep, he can’t sleep because all he can think about is when his next disappearance will be. Or when the next time he’ll be brainwashed, or killed, or sent to another world, yet again. And what if this time he doesn’t come back? What if she spends her whole life trying to save him but he’s finally gone for good? That’s why he screams her name every time she’s in danger. Because he knows he could never see her again, and he knows when it finally happens it’ll be his fault. 

               He stays on the fire escape to watch the sunrise every day. He knew he might do that for a long time, but he didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t have to save her that day, but it didn’t help because he knew it was eventually coming. The sun turned from black, to grey, blue, and then orange and pink. When he stood up to go inside she was standing in the doorway watching him.

               “Finally ready for bed?” She asked, and he just nodded and followed her inside, ready for the new morning. 


	4. Chapter 4

**moment - buckynat**

 

                He leaned on the doorway. His left eye so swollen he could barely see out of it. There was a redheaded woman standing in the room with her back to him. She was looking over something but he couldn’t look away from her.

          He stood for a minute or two, his head pounding. He was going to walk away but she turned, and her eye caught his. She looked shocked.

          “Well, aren’t you going to say something?” She looked at him with wide eyes, she almost sounded offended. “I thought you were dead.” He looked at her wide eyed and his mouth hung open but he couldn’t say anything.

          She pulled him into the room and sat him down. She took his hand and put an ice pack inside it, pressing it to his face.

          “Are you Rebecca?”  He asked her almost hopeful. He knew he recognized this woman, but he had no memory. He didn’t know how he knew her.

          “No,” She said, her mouth a straight line. She leaned against the table but didn’t look at him. He looked up at her again, grabbing her hand.

          “Natasha?” He said, his voice soft, like he knew the name was important to him but he didn’t remember how. He needed to know it was her. The corners of her mouth smiled a little.

          “Yes, James.” She said, almost a whisper. She went to move away but his hand grabbed hers.

          “Has this happened before?” He sounded almost embarrassed. Her eyes didn’t move from his but she got serious. She just nodded. His head hung a little but she pulled his chin up with her finger.

          “If it happens again, we’ll deal with it, okay?”

          “Okay.” He said and a warm feeling in his chest. She turned back to the table and he got up to leave.

          “Where do you think you’re going?” She asked without moving. He smiled to himself and sat back down again and didn’t leave until she was finished.


	5. Chapter 5

**staron - beard**

It was very early in the morning. Steve was standing in his bathroom, and had been for a long time. He never went to bed. He was leaning on his sink, staring at the porcelain bowl and his dead beard hairs laying inside.   
He only had the beard for a year but he had grown accustomed to it. He wasnt used to it and it was nice to feel like a different person. It was a strange comfort to look in the mirror and not recognize who is looking back. He could get used to being Steve Rogers and not Captain America all the time.   
But his life was one of those things you cant escape from. And everywhere he looked he saw guilt. Even staring at the hair in his sink, he thought of so much. His past, the war, New York, Sokovia…Wakanda. Shaving his beard felt like an enormous weight being lifted, but there was still so much to be done and so much loss to get over.   
“Finally,” Sharon said from the doorway. Steve looked up and saw his cleanly shaved face for the first time. He saw her in the mirror smiling at him. “No more beard burn.” She walked up behind him and hugged his waist. He turned to hug her back, burying his face in her shoulder. Sharon always knew exactly what to say, exactly when he needed. He knew he wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasnt for her and he knows he’ll stand a better chance with her at his side. If he doesnt make it out alive, at least she’ll be the one next to him, fighting for what they believe in. In the end, nothing else matters.


End file.
